Well, I have hit my first real pregnancy rough patch: I threw out my back last week and have essentially been rendered incapacitated since then. Having just entered my second trimester, last week I was eager to employ my bit of increased energy and motivation in beginning to clear out clutter in our home to make room for baby's arrival in the spring. I was excited to purge our unnecessary items, seriously strip down my wardrobe (figuring it's time to let go of some clothing I've held onto since college and even high school...), and organize our closets. I had been meaning to begin this project for ages, but my first trimester completely zapped my energy and left me with motivation to do little else other than nap and watch TV shows on Netflix.
My back started to ache after having made a significant dent in our bedroom and front hall closets. I was feeling accomplished and the most energized I'd felt in a long time. I was a little worried that my back would get worse if I kept going, so I took a break. That was the end of Operation Closet. My "backache" quickly morphed from minimal tension to severe spasms which emerge if I dare to move in even the most benign of ways. Several days later, the contents of our closets (including our artificial Christmas tree, winter coats, countless pairs of shoes, old Halloween costumes, holiday-themed stuffed bears, piles of clothes and old purses to be donated, wrapping paper and our gift bag collection) are strewn about our living room, dining room, and hallway, just begging to be organized. A very frustrating state of affairs.
Suddenly, breakouts and nausea seem like heaven as pregnancy inconveniences go. More than ever, I understand what a responsibility it is to be pregnant. I am in this much pain and cannot take any pain medicine. I have my own needs but have to put the baby's needs first. Apparently it is possible to feel resentment, anger and anxiety while simultaneously being willing to suffer though whatever obstacle presents itself for the sake of this miracle God and I are working on together.
If there is anything positive about the situation, it's that it has forced me to slow down, re-prioritize self-care, and realize what a blessing it is to be able to do the simplest things. I won't take standing, sitting, shifting position in bed and dressing myself for granted anytime soon. Our bodies and spiritual selves have a way of teaching us what we need to learn. On this Columbus Day, instead of picking pumpkins and sipping apple cider as I normally would, I'm stretched out on the couch with an ice pack strapped to my lower back, squinting through a headache and listening to my James Taylor station on Pandora. My husband is working today so he dropped me off at my parents' house so I'd have some company. Things could be worse. At least the baby and I got to enjoy some warm apple pie and milk from their kitchen!
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