Of course, there are things we would want to refuse to give, and I think that only makes us human. But it's good to reflect on the people, experiences, talents and possessions we think belong to us in our life. My husband and I celebrated one year of marriage yesterday (so much gratitude!) and we have been a couple for over six years in total. After such a length of time, it's easy to start viewing each other as a presence we're entitled to, a source of stability that belongs to us. And I suppose for someone with anxiety--someone like me-- it would seem very scary to admit that love and stability doesn't in fact "belong" to us. But actually, to me, the idea that everything belongs to God is a comforting and reassuring one because He is the One who truly knows how to take care of everything. He is the Shepherd of our relationships, our marriages, and our families, and He will not lead us astray. I don't think "holding on lightly" to the people and relationships we cherish means we don't fight for them or show our fierce devotion to them. God wants us to be devoted to our relationships, above all our relationships with our life partners and our children. He challenges us to love like He does, unconditionally and unselfishly. But part of that kind of selfless love means maintaining a gentle hold and being open to God's path for that person.
For example, I am trying to hold on lightly to my friendship with one of my very dearest friends, Megan, who is moving to Minnesota next week. Since this move is a very positive life step for her, it makes it much easier for me to focus on the gratitude I have for our friendship instead of the sadness that she won't be living within walking-distance from me anymore. She has bravely faced a number of difficult life situations in the time I've known her, and now it is time to celebrate positive change. I am someone who often experiences others' struggles almost as my own, and have a heightened awareness and sensitivity to their suffering. But it has occurred to me that sharing in people's hopes and joys in addition to their pain not only helps refresh me when I have compassion fatigue, it establishes a balance and serves as a reminder that life is made up of a lot of good in addition to suffering. Being happy for people in their good times is just as important as being compassionate to them in their times of despair. That is also motivation for me to share my hopes, joys, and dreams with those around me so others can share in those positive things in addition to being there for me in difficult times. Sometimes I hold back and don't share moments of happiness in an attempt to be sensitive to those who aren't happy. But in the right circumstances, happiness and a hopeful outlook can be contagious.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do."
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