Thanksgiving Day

It's been a little while since I've posted, but what better day to return to my Gratitude Diaries than Thanksgiving Day?! I'm trying to fully grasp that this is our last holiday season as a family of two, although, in a way, I already feel like we're a family of three.  It's hard NOT to already feel like a mother when I have this life growing inside of me, a life I can actually feel moving around now!  At our ultrasound this month, we were overjoyed to discover that we're having a little girl.  I completely understand the reasoning behind wanting to wait until the baby's birthday to find out the gender, but there's something so magical and joyful in being able to refer to our little one as "she" and "her" now.  And in this case, it feels like we have been waiting to welcome our "Nina" into our family for years now.  Nina is a name we chose about five years ago!  While we would be equally blessed to be awaiting a son, I think we somehow always knew our first child would be our Nina.  We recently chose the middle name "Arabella," which means "answered prayer" or "yielding to prayer."

As for Nina: Nina is as multi-ethnic as you can get; she is a young girl in Spain, a common nickname in Russia, a Babylonian goddess of the oceans, and an Incan goddess of fire. Nina means "grace, beautiful eyes, mother, powerful, strong, mighty, fire, friend, flower, 'God was gracious' or 'God has shown favor.'" It is a Christian name derived from the original Georgian form Nino, dating back to Saint Nino and imported to Western Europe from Russia and Italy in the 19th century. This name also coincides with the Spanish word niña meaning "little girl."

With each passing week, it somehow becomes simultaneously easier to have faith in a beautiful future and more difficult, if that makes any sense at all.  With each amazingly happy development and each new little piece of wonderful news about this pregnancy, the stakes are raised that much higher.  I wish I didn't have to think about it in that way.  And much of the time, I'm able to just be grateful and excited. But there are still those moments of fear, sometimes even panic.  I know that gratitude is all about being grateful for the moment, this moment right here, right now.  I know that the best practice is to keep a gentle grasp on all circumstances, good or bad. But I think it's only human to be afraid of happiness slipping away, of an uncertain future.  I don't take my blessings for granted, but I realize there's a fine line between not taking them for granted and not believing in the "legitimacy" of those blessings. The former embodies a humble and thankful spirit; the latter embodies doubt in God's plan.  On this Thanksgiving Day, I resolve to be in the moment, to observe the blessings I'm enjoying today, regardless of what tomorrow may hold.  I have a husband who takes care of me when I'm sick, makes me laugh when I'm sad, has faith when I'm unsure, and admires me so much that he cannot stop compulsively telling me what a good mother I'll be.  I have parents who support me, friends who enrich my life and give it meaning, gifts I use on a daily basis and gifts I have yet to discover. And I have Nina Arabella, 21 weeks along--I've read she can hear quite a bit, so I hope she hears all the songs I sing and the kind words people are already saying about her.

Another thing I'm thankful for this year is that Galo and I are reaching common ground in regards to simplifying our life and minimizing our material possessions.  We are working on going through our apartment, wardrobes, etc and donating those things we do not need and could be better used by others. For every new item we purchase, we strive to donate something else.  I'm enjoying preparing our home for our child so we can all live a calm and clutter-free life.  The less clutter we have, the freer we feel.  The less we feel compelled to own, the greater appreciation we have for the priceless pieces of our lives.  Each holiday season I experience anxiety and dread when I think about shopping lists.  It just doesn't seem like it should have to be that way.  Every time I see a Black Friday commercial or advertisement email I get angry and a little sick to my stomach.  With all the problems in our country and the world, it just seems like we could all stand to realize that materialism is a temporary distraction, nothing more.  We will never find the happiness and peace we hunger for through Black Friday purchases, expensive Christmas presents, or stressful shopping lists.  All the time spent planning and purchasing throughout the holidays could be better spent together, finding common ground, reflecting, and helping each other access hope for the new year to come.  Oh, and singing Christmas carols, of course.