I am the handmaid of the Lord

Seeing as it's two days after Christmas, I'm a little behind in my Advent post...

During this Advent season, it was natural for me to think about "waiting" in the context of pregnancy.  The typical challenges and privileges of the Advent season were that much more apparent for me this year.  Advent is a time of waiting in hopeful anticipation, of being watchful, humble, trusting, vulnerable, open, mindful and patient.  Of being aware of our need for God, and finding a way to be okay with that need even during the times we would prefer to be in control ourselves.

This really describes the entire experience of pregnancy.  It is one of the best practices in being patient and trusting, and certainly requires you to be vulnerable and humble in mind, body and spirit.  There is little room for vanity or control.  As Fr Thom described it during one of his Advent sermons, God is the potter and we are the clay.  As the potter, God is in control and molds us and our children at each stage of life.

However, we as the clay also reveal ourselves to the potter.  I like this distinction because it emphasizes our individuality and the unique relationship each of us has or can have with God.  He is not just molding each of us to be like the next.  He calls us to discover the truth about who we are and bear that truth to Him in our own ways.  To live in fullness, make use of our time, and shine the light of who we are, the way God shines His light upon us.  We are each created in goodness and strength but there are a million different ways to express those gifts.

I can't wait to see how our daughter will eventually express her gifts.

Although Advent is a time of waiting for something that is to come, I think it's also a time of living in the moment and trusting in it.  This is the sacred moment.  Sometimes in moments of beautiful clarity, when I'm feeling safest and most secure, I end up feeling sad or anxious.  I worry as I think about how the beauty and safety I'm experiencing are sure to be fleeting, as all moments are.  But it recently occurred to me that although this moment is fleeting, my gratitude can be eternal.  When gratitude is ceaseless and unchanging, so is faith.

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Songs for a New World, Christmas Lullaby:

I'll never have the power to control the land
Or conquer half the world, or claim the sun
I'll never be the kind who simply waves her hand
And has a million people do the things I wish I'd done
But in the eyes of Heaven, my place is assured
I carry with me Heaven's grand design
Gloria, Glory I will sing the name of the Lord
And He will make me shine

And I will be like Mother Mary, with a blessing in my soul
And I will give the world my eyes so they can see
And I will be like Mother Mary, with a blessing in my soul
And the future of the world inside of me
And I will be like Mother Mary, with the power in my veins
To believe in all the things I've yet to be
And I will be like Mother Mary, and I'll suffer any pains
For the future of the world
For the future of the world
Inside of me